Office Hours: How will you deal with your Uncle Bob over Thanksgiving?
Everyone has an Uncle Bob — reactionary, belligerent, Republican, maybe even Trumper
For many families, tomorrow’s Thanksgiving marks the first time in three years that everyone is getting together over Turkey and stuffing. But some families also have to deal with their “Uncle Bobs” — their opinionated rightwing relatives whose belligerence has almost wrecked these get-togethers in the past, and may do so again.
I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I hope you are, too. But I feel compelled to ask today’s Office Hours question: If an Uncle Bob will be joining you for Thanksgiving, how do you plan to deal with him?
Please comment and take the poll. Also, here’s a video that may provide some guidance:
I would not talk about politics with someone who has emotionally invested in reactionary thinking -- especially during a holiday and if we can get along otherwise.
I recently retired from a psychology practice and have an Ivy League marketing education. Early in my psychology training I studied cults. With retirement I've had time to read more deeply again. These recent readings have been most useful: The Authoritarians by Bob Altemeyer; The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt; The Rhetoric of Reaction: Perversity, Futility, Jeopardy by Albert O. Hirschman; and The Polarized Mind by Kirk Schneider, especially the chapter about a debate champion with a light touch who may ask one's basis for believing something and let them ponder that. I've learned:
1) Reactionary believers can't be persuaded by factual argument in the short run. They're not emotionally or temperamentally open (mostly from Altemeyer's description of right wing authoritarians). Liberals trying to "explain" things piss them off, which is counterproductive.
2) I'm able to emotionally connect with people with different political beliefs on other bases. This develops mutual respect, and I can better learn about their values (from experiences with neighbors and psychotherapy clients and studying motivational interviewing). Also, you close sales by overcoming objections, which you don't know unless you hear them.
3) Conversations went nowhere when others had short-term memory problems or were distractible and intense because of mental health issues.
4) When canvassing, someone stridently pressed me, so I stated my exact opposite stance but didn't argue as he raised the next challenge. I may have merited respect as a fellow veteran and via calmly standing my ground. Door knocking was successful because I broke off such conversations and interacted with those who were more open.
5. I encountered just a few intensely rude MAGA types and immediately broke off engagement. My family has ended a relationship with a belligerent relative who's mentally ill. There's no relationship with a bully.
6) Canvassing revealed committed Republicans rejecting local "America First" candidates, whom we defeated!
My family fled Nazi Austria, so I know how bad things can get and am committed to opposing the ongoing threat to democracy.
In my family, they are ALL Uncle Bobs, and I am the "Crazy" one who dared defy my Father's demand that I vote for HIS guy (Republican, of course) and voted for Obama. I am staying home with my "furry family" and will enjoy the peace and quiet. :)