Such a wonderful article about an obviously extraordinary man and your treasured friendship. I often think about the idea that when our friends depart, they take a piece of us with them. Because it was only with them that certain aspects of us were alive, never to be relived again. We miss them so much in part because we have lost a piece of ourselves.
Kerry, While your comment deeply resonates, the Reich piece, whether or not intended, also spoke, at least to me, of how those who have most touched us live on in our acts, in our choices, in our heightened understanding of what truly is worth seeking, worth having, worth doing.
Kerry, in addition to old friends leaving and taking a piece of us with them, they also leave a valuable piece of themselves with us. That is their gift to us.
In our world, just to find a true friend is something to relish. That's probably why they mean so much to us, when and if we happen to find one. The reality of our own finite mortality is especially hard to come to grips with when someone very close passes away. The fact that it will happen to all of us seems to be lost in the essence of grief. We hurt because of their passing; others will feel as we do when our time comes. Robert, we share in your loss. We are born to die.
It won't let me like your post either. It made me think how our memories of those we've loved, extend their lives in a sense and live on until both have perished.
I made a 'friend' on-line in about 2006 which lasted until he passed away 10 years later. I will ALWAYS remember him through the daily e-mails and phone calls we had over those 10 years. And it's going on 10 years since his passing. We never met in person, being on opposite sides of the country = him in NY, me in WA, both in failing health and no discretionary finances to make it happen, but that never stopped us - being friends
Seems strange to “like” something that says we are born to die, but can’t argue with it. It’s part of us, eh…I think I thought, as a young un, I would be immune. Until I got old. Now I know better.
Elizabeth--What is working these days? Definitely not our congress. They remind me of what I looked like after I tried my first wad of chewing Tabacco, a little Greene in the gills.
Kerry, when reading this: "when our friends depart, they take a piece of us with them," it reminded me of some verse that came to me in 1985 (during the AIDS pandemic) called "Touch and Take." The last stanza:
“So one of the things I have learned about the passage of time is that people you care about can disappear, and when they do, they leave a hole that is impossible to fill. For me, at least, when I am with a friend, I am a little different than I am with other people, and I only get to be this way when I am with this particular friend. It is a gift that someone you care about gives to you. These people let you be more the way you want to be, just by being with them. The hard lesson, as a Buddhist would say, is that when one of these friends dies he takes some of you with him, if only because you discover, with a sort of amazement, that the person you got to be when you were with the friend who died is gone.”
Kerry, that is a lovely thought. I read it and immediately thought of a truly wonderful friend I lost quite a while back now. She let me be me and I never realized how very much I appreciated that until she was gone.
Kerry and I know/knew a lot of the same people. I couldn't make my close friend's funeral...bought some trees... sent messages to the kids....but the most important testament is to work to make sure we don't lose democracy.
Daniel, I 100% agree. My friends that I've lost would expect nothing less from me. When my mom passed, my daughter's friends gave her a beautiful Bradford Pear tree in mom's memory. Every year those beautiful blossoms fill me with hope for a better future! Vote Blue, America!!
This is because where we do connect with another person is one of those locations where the spark of Life is ignited, or at least illuminated. Every connection thus made is as unique and as much alive as is each of our own body's organs.
How fortunate we are for the Christopher Edleys of the world! Thank you for sharing his legacy & reminding us of our true human potential at a time when it's so desperately needed. May his memory be a blessing in the days ahead.
I am so sorry for your loss. At 73 I have already begun to lose my closest childhood friend to cancer. The memories of knowing another person closely over a lifetime & being known by them are irreplaceable. But now only I remember, almost daily. True friendship is a gift beyond measure. You were blessed to have such a friend. May his memory be a blessing to you. You have my sympathy.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts. They resonate with my life experience. These irreplaceable relationship remain significant beyond death. This richness of relationships may, in fact, be the deepest blessings in our life,, perhaps even the real meaning of our lives. Condolences for your loss, AND congratulations for having developed this relationship & sharing it so poignantly with us.
Dear Robert, I am of your generation and know well of what you have written. The story of Chris is one of those that makes me feel I should have done more and also brings memories of that terrible
empty abyss that opens when someone you love dies.....thank you for this.
In our world, just to find a true friend is something to relish. That's probably why they mean so much to us, when and if we happen to find one. The reality of our own finite mortality is especially hard to come to grips with when someone very close passes away. The fact that it will happen to all of us seems to be lost in the essence our grief. We hurt because of their passing; others will feel as we do when our time comes. Robert, we share in your loss. We are born to die.
Such a wonderful article about an obviously extraordinary man and your treasured friendship. I often think about the idea that when our friends depart, they take a piece of us with them. Because it was only with them that certain aspects of us were alive, never to be relived again. We miss them so much in part because we have lost a piece of ourselves.
Kerry, While your comment deeply resonates, the Reich piece, whether or not intended, also spoke, at least to me, of how those who have most touched us live on in our acts, in our choices, in our heightened understanding of what truly is worth seeking, worth having, worth doing.
So true. Exemplars for our paths.
Yes, this is true.
Kerry, in addition to old friends leaving and taking a piece of us with them, they also leave a valuable piece of themselves with us. That is their gift to us.
. . . and we are how they still exist in this world 💜
Worth contemplating AND acting upon!
Keep up your courageous work, Beaud,
"one day at a time..."
In our world, just to find a true friend is something to relish. That's probably why they mean so much to us, when and if we happen to find one. The reality of our own finite mortality is especially hard to come to grips with when someone very close passes away. The fact that it will happen to all of us seems to be lost in the essence of grief. We hurt because of their passing; others will feel as we do when our time comes. Robert, we share in your loss. We are born to die.
The system will not let me add the word "of" to amend the post.😒
I have trouble liking , or heart ❤ ing posts
Laurie--You're sort of on the fence.---------------------------------------------------post.
Having difficulty replying
It won't allow me to reply! Or like., or delete.
I am as well.
Or deleting ones
It won't let me like your post either. It made me think how our memories of those we've loved, extend their lives in a sense and live on until both have perished.
I made a 'friend' on-line in about 2006 which lasted until he passed away 10 years later. I will ALWAYS remember him through the daily e-mails and phone calls we had over those 10 years. And it's going on 10 years since his passing. We never met in person, being on opposite sides of the country = him in NY, me in WA, both in failing health and no discretionary finances to make it happen, but that never stopped us - being friends
and 'compatriots' ~ ~ ~
Enemy--As long as our memory exists in someone's thoughts we are never really gone.
Seems strange to “like” something that says we are born to die, but can’t argue with it. It’s part of us, eh…I think I thought, as a young un, I would be immune. Until I got old. Now I know better.
Spot on. I cannot get the heart icon to work on Substack these days. Thanks for posting.
Elizabeth--What is working these days? Definitely not our congress. They remind me of what I looked like after I tried my first wad of chewing Tabacco, a little Greene in the gills.
I hope you quit Donald. My wifes brother chewed and died this year from mouth and throat cancer.
William---I quit all tobacco products back in 1971.
….YES, and when we can think of them and smile, that is the piece of them living in our heart…
❤
Kerry, when reading this: "when our friends depart, they take a piece of us with them," it reminded me of some verse that came to me in 1985 (during the AIDS pandemic) called "Touch and Take." The last stanza:
"I touch you
And you are part of me,
Good or bad, wanted or not,
You touch me
And take a part of me
And I, a part of you."
Yes, losing close friends is one of the very hardest parts of aging. Your friend Chris looks so full of a love for life!
What a beautiful thought, Kerry!
“So one of the things I have learned about the passage of time is that people you care about can disappear, and when they do, they leave a hole that is impossible to fill. For me, at least, when I am with a friend, I am a little different than I am with other people, and I only get to be this way when I am with this particular friend. It is a gift that someone you care about gives to you. These people let you be more the way you want to be, just by being with them. The hard lesson, as a Buddhist would say, is that when one of these friends dies he takes some of you with him, if only because you discover, with a sort of amazement, that the person you got to be when you were with the friend who died is gone.”
Craig Nova, Brook Trout and the Writing Life
Kerry, that is a lovely thought. I read it and immediately thought of a truly wonderful friend I lost quite a while back now. She let me be me and I never realized how very much I appreciated that until she was gone.
Kerry and I know/knew a lot of the same people. I couldn't make my close friend's funeral...bought some trees... sent messages to the kids....but the most important testament is to work to make sure we don't lose democracy.
https://www.fieldteam6.org/
Daniel, I 100% agree. My friends that I've lost would expect nothing less from me. When my mom passed, my daughter's friends gave her a beautiful Bradford Pear tree in mom's memory. Every year those beautiful blossoms fill me with hope for a better future! Vote Blue, America!!
TRULY wise words to contemplate and ruminate over!
I have found throughout the years, for better or not so better, that
a "litmus test" (so to speak) has been my emotional vulnerability
around those I share a "special bond." These individuals, often-times,
facilitate more than a tear or two, validating MEANING FOR ME!!!
❤
❤
This is because where we do connect with another person is one of those locations where the spark of Life is ignited, or at least illuminated. Every connection thus made is as unique and as much alive as is each of our own body's organs.
Thank you for the kindness and love behind what you have written. Words, ideas, and sentiments carry so much to those who hear and read them.
Lovely!
So well said
Think where man's glory most begins and ends,
And say my glory was I had such friends.
W. B. Yeats, "The Municipal Gallery Revisited"
RIP https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/13/obituaries/christopher-edley-jr-dead.html
thanks....
How fortunate we are for the Christopher Edleys of the world! Thank you for sharing his legacy & reminding us of our true human potential at a time when it's so desperately needed. May his memory be a blessing in the days ahead.
I am so sorry for your loss. At 73 I have already begun to lose my closest childhood friend to cancer. The memories of knowing another person closely over a lifetime & being known by them are irreplaceable. But now only I remember, almost daily. True friendship is a gift beyond measure. You were blessed to have such a friend. May his memory be a blessing to you. You have my sympathy.
Thank you for sharing this profound elegy on aging and friends. As a fellow baby boomer, it resonates deeply. RIP Professor Edley.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts. They resonate with my life experience. These irreplaceable relationship remain significant beyond death. This richness of relationships may, in fact, be the deepest blessings in our life,, perhaps even the real meaning of our lives. Condolences for your loss, AND congratulations for having developed this relationship & sharing it so poignantly with us.
Dear Robert, I am of your generation and know well of what you have written. The story of Chris is one of those that makes me feel I should have done more and also brings memories of that terrible
empty abyss that opens when someone you love dies.....thank you for this.
May Heaven grant that, when your time comes to cross the big river, there will be a welcoming party, your friend among them.
Thank you Dr Reich. What a wonderful tribute. I am sorry for your loss.
I'm 80, and most of my closest friends are gone. Your dad was certainly right.
The very definition of immortality - your friend will now live forever in your mind.
Professor Reich,
You are a great judge of character for having Chris as a dear friend. He knew that Justice Thomas was a loser!
My condolences.
In our world, just to find a true friend is something to relish. That's probably why they mean so much to us, when and if we happen to find one. The reality of our own finite mortality is especially hard to come to grips with when someone very close passes away. The fact that it will happen to all of us seems to be lost in the essence our grief. We hurt because of their passing; others will feel as we do when our time comes. Robert, we share in your loss. We are born to die.
Deepest condolences, Mr. Reich.
Exactly right. And more so when you lose a spouse, a brother, a child.
Beautiful tribute. Thank you.
I am sorry for your loss of your friend. You were better for having known one another. Thank you for sharing this tribute.