I hear your genuine pain about this tough career decision. Back then I was too ignorant to appreciate your service to our country and how important your worldview was to this end. No longer. Now, having seen what our federal government looks like absent any morals, ethics, or sense of caring about the future of ordinary Americans, I treasure your perspective deeply and it is a valued source of hope. Please know that while you can't have a re-do with your kids, your impact on guiding our nation is very deeply appreciated. And you did, in fact, help mold our economic system for the better of your own kids and grandkids...and all of ours, as well. Just enjoy your family every day going forward. Thank you again for all you do.
You're sentiments are so genuine that I believe all your family has for you is pride and love. Of course, you feel a little bad about not being with them 24/7, but you shouldn't. As I see it, you did the best you could do at the moment. You were there for them on the weekends. That all counts. Now visit with them more often, or have them visit you. Of course, they were always most important, that's why you took the job in the first place to provide for them the best life that you knew how. You were doing great things, Robert, that no one else could do as well as you. You need to be less hard on yourself. Make up for lost time now that you can, if you wish. You did well for your family and well for our country. What more could one expect of you?
Dec 28, 2021·edited Dec 28, 2021Liked by Heather Lofthouse
I am an 88 yr old Grandma (will be 89 tomorrow) with far flung family - Nepal and Norway. I choose not to travel those distances any more - so am grateful for Zoom. I gave one son and grandson subscriptions to your newsletter - not only to inform them, but to provide a common ground for conversations. (Haven't heard their responses yet!) I am so grateful for your intelligent, compassionate and informed takes on the world we live in. I read you first thing every day because you are a sane voice in the wilderness and your words give me solace and hope.
Your comments reached in and squeezed my heart. Thank you for being open and authentic. It’s refreshing. I have a Senior at Albany High School who will be off to college much sooner than expected! As his only parent, I can think of the myriad ways I was too distracted, worried or planning for the future. I am hopeful, however, that like you, I will enjoy many years of witnessing my son’s adult life, even if it’s by way of FaceTime or Zoom or the next social media app just waiting in the wings. I believe all loving parents feel wistful about the time that galloped away from us. And I believe in my heart that our children sense our love and best intentions, notwithstanding our imperfections or complex lives.
Ask them. I spent decades working at FDA often from early morning until late night. In the years before I retired, I was doing international inspections and was overseas as much as at home. I was wracked with guilt about being away from my son. When he was in his twenties, I asked him whether my being away had been a bad thing and told him I had missed him terribly. He told me 'Mom, you were always with me'. Ask.
My sentiments mirror your experiences almost exactly. I see my own sons now much more “co-parenting” with raising their daughters in a way that I never got the chance to do as a career-building physician, but warms my heart. I decided to cut down my efforts at work for similar reasons, affected in large part by realignment of priorities due to the pandemic.
Wise thoughts, appropriate for an elder. From now on, savor the precious time with your family and share your wisdom--if they seek it. They might not want it today, but they will always appreciate your love and interest. (from an older elder)
This post really hit home with me. My husband and I moved back to Germany as civilians shortly after our first grandson was born. It was so hard leaving him and only seeing him on FaceTime is a challenge, but our son encouraged the move. He and his wife value travel and exposure to other countries and cultures because that exposure leads to tolerance and acceptance. I can’t wait for him to visit during summers and grow up with so many different and worldly experiences. We are so very lucky to be able to offer this to him.
Me too -- I am so glad to be able to be with my daughters and one son-in-law at around Christmas time. This year we did meet -- older daughter and son-in-law live 25 minutes away; younger daughter lives with me. But last year we (Daughter No 2 and me) got together with Daughter 1 and son-in-law by zoom. These face-times and zooms have been the silver lining for me (and many others) during this pandemic. Indeed w/o technology people couldn't have worked by remote or gone to school and millions more died. I feel you have done much good by your presence and work and that you are helping since. You are taking up oxygen and reaching people and those who can let themselves hear and those who do are validated and inspired and helped.
I understand. try to think about the good things from the past, like we are very very glad that you helped to shape this democracy that we , and your children and grand children , will enjoy. try to live in the present, not the future of the past. It is the only one that you can control. ty for those years that benefit your family and our families. 'dwell on what can never be relived or retrieved'
I hear your genuine pain about this tough career decision. Back then I was too ignorant to appreciate your service to our country and how important your worldview was to this end. No longer. Now, having seen what our federal government looks like absent any morals, ethics, or sense of caring about the future of ordinary Americans, I treasure your perspective deeply and it is a valued source of hope. Please know that while you can't have a re-do with your kids, your impact on guiding our nation is very deeply appreciated. And you did, in fact, help mold our economic system for the better of your own kids and grandkids...and all of ours, as well. Just enjoy your family every day going forward. Thank you again for all you do.
You faced a difficult decision, it’s hard to have it both ways, but your contribution to our democracy is amazing and I thank you for it!
You're sentiments are so genuine that I believe all your family has for you is pride and love. Of course, you feel a little bad about not being with them 24/7, but you shouldn't. As I see it, you did the best you could do at the moment. You were there for them on the weekends. That all counts. Now visit with them more often, or have them visit you. Of course, they were always most important, that's why you took the job in the first place to provide for them the best life that you knew how. You were doing great things, Robert, that no one else could do as well as you. You need to be less hard on yourself. Make up for lost time now that you can, if you wish. You did well for your family and well for our country. What more could one expect of you?
Thanks for what you’ve done and continue to do. It’s the reason I start my day with your emails.
I am an 88 yr old Grandma (will be 89 tomorrow) with far flung family - Nepal and Norway. I choose not to travel those distances any more - so am grateful for Zoom. I gave one son and grandson subscriptions to your newsletter - not only to inform them, but to provide a common ground for conversations. (Haven't heard their responses yet!) I am so grateful for your intelligent, compassionate and informed takes on the world we live in. I read you first thing every day because you are a sane voice in the wilderness and your words give me solace and hope.
Your comments reached in and squeezed my heart. Thank you for being open and authentic. It’s refreshing. I have a Senior at Albany High School who will be off to college much sooner than expected! As his only parent, I can think of the myriad ways I was too distracted, worried or planning for the future. I am hopeful, however, that like you, I will enjoy many years of witnessing my son’s adult life, even if it’s by way of FaceTime or Zoom or the next social media app just waiting in the wings. I believe all loving parents feel wistful about the time that galloped away from us. And I believe in my heart that our children sense our love and best intentions, notwithstanding our imperfections or complex lives.
Ask them. I spent decades working at FDA often from early morning until late night. In the years before I retired, I was doing international inspections and was overseas as much as at home. I was wracked with guilt about being away from my son. When he was in his twenties, I asked him whether my being away had been a bad thing and told him I had missed him terribly. He told me 'Mom, you were always with me'. Ask.
It's strange to think of you as having any regrets. It seems that decent people shouldn't have to.
My sentiments mirror your experiences almost exactly. I see my own sons now much more “co-parenting” with raising their daughters in a way that I never got the chance to do as a career-building physician, but warms my heart. I decided to cut down my efforts at work for similar reasons, affected in large part by realignment of priorities due to the pandemic.
Wise thoughts, appropriate for an elder. From now on, savor the precious time with your family and share your wisdom--if they seek it. They might not want it today, but they will always appreciate your love and interest. (from an older elder)
Truth - goes right to the heart
This post really hit home with me. My husband and I moved back to Germany as civilians shortly after our first grandson was born. It was so hard leaving him and only seeing him on FaceTime is a challenge, but our son encouraged the move. He and his wife value travel and exposure to other countries and cultures because that exposure leads to tolerance and acceptance. I can’t wait for him to visit during summers and grow up with so many different and worldly experiences. We are so very lucky to be able to offer this to him.
Me too -- I am so glad to be able to be with my daughters and one son-in-law at around Christmas time. This year we did meet -- older daughter and son-in-law live 25 minutes away; younger daughter lives with me. But last year we (Daughter No 2 and me) got together with Daughter 1 and son-in-law by zoom. These face-times and zooms have been the silver lining for me (and many others) during this pandemic. Indeed w/o technology people couldn't have worked by remote or gone to school and millions more died. I feel you have done much good by your presence and work and that you are helping since. You are taking up oxygen and reaching people and those who can let themselves hear and those who do are validated and inspired and helped.
Very personal, touching and timely. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts and your perspective on the importance of sharing precious time with family members.
I understand. try to think about the good things from the past, like we are very very glad that you helped to shape this democracy that we , and your children and grand children , will enjoy. try to live in the present, not the future of the past. It is the only one that you can control. ty for those years that benefit your family and our families. 'dwell on what can never be relived or retrieved'